Enough...

So at one point all the ridiculous battle to achieve some profound meaning end? This week is already nuts. I am tired and had enough of my inner weaknesses and inner demons joining forces on troubled mind as I try to rebuild my family expences and livlihood after that ridiculous job cut back in February. Yesterday, I did not receive a call I got the day before regarding a position far away that I could rebuild the damages cast by others. Then a setback on my wife's side on something we BOTH forgot but she is being treated like some villian about. Then I just got plain stupid talking to a person with a past with me and to realize that this person and I have too much to lose in our respective camps. That could be a future blessing in disquise.

I am so beleagured of figuring out my mental state. Like Doctor Who (the Christopher Eccleston who is the best doctor in my view) once said, "try anything" or was it "do anything"? Now I am being dismissed as one thing that actually I am way to chicken to do and God would not be happy with me. Things get unbearable and just wish I was in another time and dimension or find what they call on "Scrubs", my "happy place."

My family deserves better from me, my friends deserve better from me, and I deserve better from me. Infact Christopher Eccleston deserves better from me. Possibly, I could be up for a job that I would accept and leave the area. If so, it could be a golden opportunity to rebuild my life for hopefully another 47 year run (at the mercy of God above)can be easier and more tolearble to my loved ones and good friends. I didn't ruin anything from what I can tell,there is a dent but dents can come out.

I know my blood pressure and sugars cannot take anymore and my mind is quoting the good doctor. Or as his rival The Master (played flawlessly by John Simm) once said, "What this world needs right now is.. a doctor"... I may need to be my own doctor right now.